32 Retail Haikus

could you please gift wrap 

asks the old man, though we don't 

using newspaper

@auxarcois

let me buy a pdf

sure go to our website please

you don’t sell them in the store?

@weatherman_sam

Just count the money

I don’t care if we vacuum

I have to clopen

@PrimsosPickle

That's an older film

I’ll have to look in the back 

But the que’s so long

@LC_Lupus

apply coupon please

i don’t have it with me now

why can’t i use it

@spaghettiihead

yelling popcorn loud

enough to set a sales record

at New York worlds fair

@JamesPenha

Never worked retail

Must be a helluva bitch

Or so I have heard

@Zariskb

Back to Back Shifts (2020)

Late to bed, early

To rise gets a man yearning 

For early demise

@PR_Whelan

Buy the photos please

I know they are not any good

But you are in them 

@LoganRoseWrites

I folded this shirt 

A hundred times in one hour

Just buy it already

GLBrown_Writer

I’ll be right with you

I said I’ll be right with you

Please just be patient

@stephan_soloman

Please don’t disturb me

I’m reading the very book

You wanted to buy

@GregMichaelson1

PPL DON’T LIKE MISSING FLIGHTS

17 dudes jailed

Maybe don’t throw your luggage at 

The gate agents head

6:45 ON A TUESDAY AT THE PHARMACY

Dude I’m just sixteen 

I’m no expert on how well

The plan B pill works

CALL CENTER

I can’t deliver

Your package myself because 

I’m 5 states away

@miniskirtmag

Can you check the back? 

No, but I can stand out there

Is there any in stock

@BobbyWellsBrown

don’t talk on the phone 

while ordering your coffee 

or i will combust

@SelenaMercuri

ma’am I do not know 

why the website says: ‘in stock’

ambient musak

@phantomsspleen

Don’t complain to me

That our prices are too high 

Above my pay grade

If I hear this song 

One more motherfuckin time 

I’mma walk right out

Please wait in the line.

Participate in freaking 

society, jerk

You just placed that hold

About ten minutes ago

No: it's not ready. 

@Libr_Ari_An

DO YOU KNOW THIS ONE

So the cover’s green, 

They saw it some time last year 

Let's play guess the book 

ONLINE ORDERS TELL YOU WHEN YOUR BOOKS HAS ARRIVED FOR A REASON

Please don’t call again

Your order is still not here. 

That’s five times today.

@EmersonAria

Never had a schedule

Would have to call every day

To see if I work

@MickTheebs

The eyes of darkness 

“I want to speak with your boss”

My soul is dying

@jasonbeampoetry

Orders from retail

Will never arrive on time

Don’t order retail

@Deadcanons

STOCKING THE SHELVES AT DOLLAR GENERAL

So many things here 

Can I go to the bathroom

Very Overwhelmed

@LillyLotus69

I’m waiting on lines, 

And a lady makes me cry

because I didn’t smile

#truestory

@jillianspiridon

My supervisor 

caught me on my phone and said 

nothing. What a G. 

@martinezfjulian

More expensive to

ship back order refunds than 

let you keep – free gift!

@jeffrey_hecker

memories produce

codes, customers driving me 

four zero zero one

@TianaVertigan